OPINION: DIRTY SOAP Episode 2 Focuses On Family (Fary & Bambi!); Farah Is The Breakout Star!

This week's installment of DIRTY SOAP gave us another look into the lives of these fascinating stars of the genre, but I was disappointed about the lack of integration among the cast. Kelly Monaco and Kirsten Storms had a brief encounter at the GENERAL HOSPITAL studio, but other than that everyone was off in their own world. This cast is rich with history and I want to see them playing off of each other more.

Most of them have very interesting lives that would be fascinating to watch on their own, but the magic is going to be found in this show the more intertwined these people are. The cast members may not have been mixing and mingling with one another but there was a common theme among the stories that we were following with each of them this week: family.

Farah is the breakout star of this show. Her sheer contempt is fascinating to watch.  I would  like to sit down and talk with her and ask what she is so miserable about. She seems to hate the world and every single person in it, and I include JP in that. At least she seems to like JP more than she likes his mom. Dealing with the parents of a significant other is not always easy. Bambi, JP's mom (and I'm not even going to comment on the fact that her name is Bambi) is obviously a handful and doesn't seem to care for Farah very much. I have a theory as to why. Perhaps it  is because of Farah’s wretched attitude, which I am guessing is not a new trait on her part. Bambi was in town for what was apparently the final fan event that Farah and JP would ever be at, at least while the show was on ABC. The woman wants to come and gush over her son and get a little attention at the fan event. Is that so terrible, Farah?

At least she wants to be there. Farah was not acting like someone who wanted to attend this event. Did she even attempt to muster a smile when taking pictures with fans? Worse though is the sheer lack of enthusiasm with which she says I love you to JP at the end of that event. It makes me want to say...look at your life. You have a hot talented boyfriend who is willing to relocate to LA to be you. I see what a hardship you have to endure. I do have to concede one point to Farah. Her conversation with JP about marriage was painful.  They have been together for four years and she wants to know if he sees a real future with her. She asked the right questions in the wrong way. It was obvious that she wasn't going to get anywhere in that moment but she continued to push it. I appreciate her frustration but I think that she needs to find another way to approach it. JP, on the other hand, does need to start making some decision if marriage is something that is important to Farah. If I were to advise him, I think you could figure out what my advice would be so I won’t repeat it.  I'll say this again: Farah is the breakout star of this show. You may not like her, but she illicits a reaction. I think that she might have been born to be on reality television. Do I hear the housewives calling….

Across the country our west coast soap stars were having their own share of family troubles. Jenna and Galen don't belong on this show. Every minute they are on screen is forced.. This could change if Jenna just went for it and  became the mayor of crazy town. She’s really just on the outskirts of crazy town in a village known as just a little unhinged. Galen’s exploits trying to get his son out of the locked bedroom almost put me to sleep. I wish they had spent less time on them, and more time on Kelly. If they are going to keep bringing up this ex-boyfriend of 18 years, they need to explain more of what happened between him and Kelly. I’m deducing there is some sort of substance abuse problem, but if they don’t want to talk about it then let’s focus on Kelly trying to move on with her life. To be fair, that does seem to be the direction that they are going on. Nothing particularly interesting happened with Kelly(but at least she isn't painful to watch like some other people whose names I won't mention: Jenna and Galen) this week but I still think she would be fun to go out for a drink with. If Kelly needs a new gay sidekick, I’d happily fill the position.

Kirsten’s story resonated the most with me. Not because my situation has any similarity to hers, but because it was real. There was no forced drama. Kirsten was devastated that her brother Austin, the only real family that she has, was going to be a away for a year in flight school. When Austin said goodbye to Kirsten, Tiffany, Austin’s girlfriend and Lyric, Tiffany’s son. I was crying. Any TV show that makes me cry at episode 2 is guaranteed to last at least a season on my DVR season pass list. That was a moment that would have played out exactly as we watched it with or without cameras. All this sadness did give way for some levity when we met Lyric. He is a natural on camera. He had me laughing out loud. First when he asked Kirsten if she made tacos for a living. I don't know why he asked her that but it was random and so specific. Secondly,  when Kirsten, Tiffany, and Lyric were at a make your own pottery sort of place and talking about Austin. Lyric turns to Tiffany and Kirsten and says, "We had some good times with that man” I nearly spit out the water I was drinking.

And then there is Nadia and Brandon. I find them both to be absolutely delightful. They are grounded, nice, and genuine and also two of the most good looking people you’ll ever see. It makes you want to hate them and then you see how nice they are, and you still kind of want to hate them but you can't.  Nadia’s mother, Fary, doesn't share that sentiment about Brandon. I don’t really understand why, based on what I've seen, but she is not shy about her thoughts on the man. She has told Nadia how much she dislikes Brandon and doesn’t think that he is right for her. She has told Brandon the same thing. I can appreciate the situation that Nadia finds herself in. Nadia and Brandon handle it much better then JP and Farah.

Farah and Bambi don’t get along, but no one attempts to fix the problem. JP just puts his head in the sand making Farah's sentiment that JP needs to grow up resonate with some truth.  Nadia defends her mom to her boyfriend and her boyfriend to her mom. She is trying her best to bring them to some sort of common ground.  Brandon tries make inroads with Nadia’s mother but the woman has a will of steel. She isn't interested in what he has to say but instead just wants to tell him he is“stupid and young”, “arrogant”, “without class” and her most assertive thought, “You’re never going to make a good husband”. He disagrees but he does it with the respect he should. I want Nadia and Brandon to make it work, but Nadia's mother needs to stay just the way she is.  She is a self proclaimed, “honest bitch.” That is one honest bitch I want to see more of. They should send her to spend some time with Jenna and Galen. I bet she'd spice up their screen time.

With the exception of Galen and Jenna, I enjoyed watching everyone this week. Of course I want people to be yelling at each other so my hopes and dreams have yet to be realized but I’m eagerly awaiting the Kirsten-Farah showdown. If you’re not watching, you should be if only to watch Farah roll her eyes at everything.

Oh, and I’m still holding out for that drink with Kelly Monaco. We’d have fun. TRUST.

Brian Hewson contributes primetime reviews for We Love Soaps. Along with Greg Turner, Brian is the creator, writer, and producer of the web soap, EMPIRE, which can be found at www.empiretheseries.com. Brian loves soaps.